Monday, April 5, 2010

Random Thoughts: I Thought I Would Live Forever...

I thought I was invincible. I thought life would always be this way. I took a lot of things for granted, but recent experiences have taught me to sit back and take stock of the things that are important to me.

My health, for example. No, I'm not going to die. That is, not for a long, looooong time, I hope. But something's wrong with my eyes recently. I see things I've not been seeing (um, not ghosts), and my eyes are dry and tire easily. One of my friends mentioned a possible retinal tear, so I went on the Net and researched and what I saw terrified me. If the condition aggravated, a retinal detachment is possible, which could lead to blindness.

Okay, maybe I'm just good at scaring myself, coz I latched onto the word "blindness" and imagined all sorts of scenarios. But I don't want to be blind! I'm barely 40, there are still lots and lots of things I want to do, things I want to experience. And if I were blind, what job could I do? I started thinking of occupations the blind could engage in and I came up with blank!

I spent several worried sleepless nights thinking about my condition. It's hard to describe the fear and the worry and the hope. But this did make me pray more, and I wondered if this is a test that God has sent me, that maybe He's reminding me that He's there watching over me and that all I need to do is to turn to Him.

Also, this made me more sympathetic to the plight of the blind, especially those less forturnate than I am, and I started wondering what I could do to help make their lives easier.

I have a doctor's appointment tomorrow, and I'm hoping that he'll tell me it's nothing, just dry eyes and irritation that eye drops could cure. Then I would go on with my life, but with a few changes and with more appreciation.

We'll see. Could really need all those good thoughts and prayers right about now. :)


Scorpio M. said...

Good thoughts & have them from me.

Do you wear contact lenses? I had similar dryness, blurriness & fatigue. My eye doc switched me to a super-moisturizing brand and I feel great now. He also told me allergies & allergy meds dry out eyes.

Hope your doctor gives you good news.

Shana said...

Thanks, Scorpio M. I'm glad your condition was solved, but no, I don't wear contact lenses. It would seem that I have almost-retinal tears. Almost, because they haven't torn yet. But that part of my retina has weakened and he advised me to have laser procedure to cure it. I'm just glad it's curable! I'm gonna have a second opinion though first, before I decide which doctor to do the procedure. So please, do continue the good thoughts and prayers. Appreciate it very much!

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